How to deal with living abroad loneliness - 3 triggers + 7 solutions

This was supposed to be an adventure of a lifetime, yet here I am, alone and lonely in my Airbnb.

Sounds familiar?

Read the hidden triggers of loneliness abroad and 7 best methods on how to deal with loneliness in a foreign country.

Is travelling abroad lonely?

Simple answer, it does not need to be.

Loneliness is not a fun feeling, regardless if you are in your home town or traveling the world. 

What makes loneliness abroad hard though, is that you are not prepared for it and not having any of your familiar coping mechanisms with you.

You expected an adventure of a lifetime, yet here you are, in the middle of people in cool destinations, feeling more lonely than ever. 

Personally I felt homesick when living abroad, but also I felt I did not belong. 

It may not always be easy to discover like-minded people within the first few months abroad. 

You also feel like friends back home can not relate, as they take things like going for a coffee with a friend or seeing family on weekends for granted. 

In this article I want to give you tools to deal with loneliness abroad - as I unfortunately have long-term experience of this from many countries - yet I have also found a way to connect and belong. 

So much that reverse culture shock after moving back to my home country was more of an issue than loneliness abroad.

It’s easy to ignore the possibility of loneliness abroad, when you’ve already taken care of stuff like gut health while traveling and staying safe while traveling and you are excited just to take off.

The three triggers that cause loneliness abroad are: comparison trap, adaptation fatigue and rootlessness.

The name of the trigger is quite self-explanatory, but it's an easy one to fall into. 

All these beautiful destinations, stunning sunsets and peak moments of others make you feel inadequate in your short-term let studio apartment in Alicante. 

You feel like these hardships aren't a normal part of moving abroad and living abroad, as you don’t see those in "Travel Instagram".

The differences of cultures, new languages, cuisines, social norms and energies of people are definitely main factors why traveling keeps on appealing to digital nomads. 

Yet let’s be honest, it also gets draining when you need to constantly adapt, adjust and re-learn. 

One of the reasons this drains emotionally differently than during a holiday is that you also need to work, maintain physical well being, do chores and other stuff that does not consume you during a holiday in a new culture. 

You wouldn’t think you’d miss the sh*tty couch of your friend, the mediocre quality chinese restaurant of your town, your neighbor's dog or even a random tree you used to see every single day. 

Nomad lifestyle and living abroad literally lifts you from the roots to a new ground. It’s normal to suffer from this, even though you may feel like it’s not justified, as traveling the world was all you wanted. 

Living abroad loneliness is actually a normal part of moving abroad. Try these 7 tips on how to deal with loneliness in a foreign country.

You may have gotten to know some people in your hostel, or joined some events via meet-up.

It’s normal that deep connections may not happen in the first event. 

I’m not saying this is not possible, but especially as an introvert, who tends to tense up in social situations, it may take a while to relax in new surroundings and be fully yourself. 

So don’t give up thinking there aren’t your people out there, try these different apps and websites:

Meet-up is a great app to begin with, as most places have multiple events listed there. 

Browse local events on Facebook and find local Facebook groups. Don’t just wait to see something interesting to you; make a post about yourself telling a bit what you are into and that you are looking to connect with likeminded people.

Don’t stop checking just the FB groups of the area; there are many communities of digital nomads, travellers and expats.

If you are in any way a digital nomad friendly destination, there are likely other people in the groups who are just waiting for you to do a post to organise a meetup.

Some areas even have their own apps or event sites, so it’s always worth simply Googling local events or [your interest] + [the place you are].

During the first step of browsing Facebook, you might have already found your way to some local WhatsApp groups relevant to your interests.

Remember, meetups don’t need to be only limited to drinks or language exchanges. You can also try co-working, or completely free events like walks or hikes.

All of these methods listed above may seem great, when you are happy and optimistic, yet like an effort when you feel down.

Commit to participating in a certain amount of social activities weekly.

This way it is much easier to get yourself going to meet up with some new faces when you feel like rolling in your self pity alone in your Airbnb.

It’s not always about the quality of the connections, if you are not even having any quantity. 

For most of the digital nomads and expats this hits only when they have already moved abroad, that they will miss out on many things.

For me it was also heartbreaking to realise I would miss out on birthdays, spontaneous get-togethers and sharing everyday life with family and friends.

Sure, we have Whatsapp, Facetime and Zoom, but it’s a lot you need to be ready to give up for a meaningful nomad life.

Of course, visiting your home country and having visitors is a recommended option, but the everyday life of everyone goes on. You may even feel like people forgot about your existence when you are out of sight, out of mind.

So, try to also remain in touch with the important people in your home country.

Solo travel and being alone is different from feeling lonely. For us women, it might be good to check if it's a certain time of the month, before having a mental breakdown of loneliness.

There may also be certain situations that trigger loneliness in you.

It can be for example seeing a family gathering, when you know yours is far away.

Or seeing a group of friends having a tight connection, when you haven’t gotten even past the “where are you from, how long you’ve been here” phase with your new friends.

If you constantly feed the feeling of loneliness, it grows. 

Focus on the good and do not miss out on the great things you started this travel lifestyle or living abroad for. 

If you don’t know, you can start with this: 30 Great things to do when traveling alone - Solo travel bucket list

At the end of the day, loneliness is a feeling. It’s energy within you that radiates in a certain frequency.

Sometimes, a little practice can help you feel better.

This short guided meditation helps to reset the mind

You may feel lonely, and even alone with the feeling of loneliness abroad.

Yet you’d be surprised how common it is.

Join a free JOURNEY community to connect with others for a journey within.

If you just recently started your nomadlife, you may still feel like changing accommodation every week is fun and exciting.

Eventually, traveling a bit slower starts to appeal and seems more comfortable.

Truth is, real friendships sometimes take time, just like finding a boyfriend/girlfriend. And for that it’s not helpful to change countries like socks.

If you’re an introvert like me, it may sometimes feel intimidating to start talking to new people in new situations.

Simple “Hi, I’m [Name], can I join? "I'm new here” is a good approach in 90% of the situations.

Please bear in mind the cultural differences as well. For example, in my home country (Finland) it’s perfectly normal to never hug when meeting up, whereas in Spain it would be considered cold. 

YOU MAY ALSO WANT TO READ:

 10 don’ts in Finland

Why Spain as an Expat

Sometimes a yoga class for loneliness or just another meet-up to have drinks with new people isn’t enough. 

There are multiple ways to find a therapist online, anywhere in the world. 

You can simply start by googling online therapists and compare the options you find.

When I was dealing with digital nomad loneliness, I found these resources:

Betterhelp.com - easy way to find a therapist online

ExpatTherapy4U.com - Easy way to book expat therapy in Europe

Talkspace.com - Convenient access to therapy